Yes, I admit, this post violates the integrity of this blog, the original purpose of which was to demonstrate how to get back your pre-baby figure by using said baby. However, I can justify this. Besides, when I weighed myself this morning, I've lost four pounds in the last three weeks, so apparently my exercise regimen is working.
But on to justification:
Two years ago my husband got all gung-ho when a new gym opened up in our neighborhood. Super excited, he paid a $250 registration fee and signed on for $15 a month for the life of his membership. Great deal, right? But a deal is only great if you're going to use it, and in the last two years he has used it three times, to my count; although he'll adamantly argue that it's been far more than that. Regardless, I finally got him to admit that it was time to cancel the membership and use that $15 for something that would be used more regularly (ie, a bottle of wine). He agreed. Granted, I left out the wine part when I spoke to him.
So I called his gym and a very fit sounding Tomas answered the phone. I explained to Tomas that I was going to cancel the membership, and, showing his great customer service and salesmanship, Tomas suggested that maybe I wanted to take over the membership for JMahl? No additional cost-- just keep paying the $15 per month. I laughed and proceeded to explain to a doing-a-good-job-of-pretending-he-was-interested Tomas that I had two young children at home with me each day and would never make it to the gym. Ah, Salesman Tomas then eagerly informed me that for just $2 a day (wait, did you say 2 kids? Then $3 a day.) they had childcare available to watch my children for as long as I choose to work out. For $15 a month, I could have unlimited childcare. I did some quick math in my head, realizing that would require at a minimum a once a week trip to the gym, and asked him instead if I could just get a job and drop my kids off each morning. He didn't laugh. Or respond actually.
So instead I asked him to tell me about the benefits of membership, which he happily did- he obviously knows when to turn on and off his ears- including that I'd get one personal free training session. Yeah! I asked him if the personal trainers were guaranteed to be attractive. Again, he didn't respond, but I know he was listening. I could hear him thinking about how best to answer, and not wanting to put him on the spot in case the call was being recorded for quality purposes and could later be used in a sexual harassment suit, I skipped on ahead to informing him that I only was interested in losing a few inches around my waist and strengthening my neck, shoulder, and back muscles to help with the pain and aggravation of having to carry two very large milk bottles with me wherever I went- could a trainer help with that? Quick-thinking, and slightly embarrassed-being-forced-to-listen- Tomas had a response to this. "I think one of our female trainers may be better suited to help you in that regard." Props to you, Tomas, but I advised him that it was not nearly as titillating to work out with a female trainer as with a male trainer. (For my mom, my husband, and those of you who may be offended, that pun is not intended. For those of you women who understand the desire to have an attractive younger man demonstrating strategic work out positions to you even if you never have any intention of being disloyal to your husband, that pun was entirely intended.)
He, again, did not respond. Tomas has been very well trained, I do believe; but I'm sure that he was very interested in my potential membership (read: milk bottles), because it was at this point that he suggested I just come in sometime before seven when his shift ended, and he would get me all set up. Granted, he may have just been desperate to get me off the phone. Perception is key here. So, saying goodbye and promising to be in shortly, I hung up, feeling very successful in my endeavor and motivated to get on over there and get me a membership. Good work, Tomas. Even though I still haven't made it in there...
And there's my justification. Why pass up an opportunity to work out at a gym for no more money than I'm currently spending on my husband's unused gym membership? Especially when it includes childcare? And even more so when conveniently located right next door to the gym is a bonafide Hershey's store? I think this could be a very good move. And if I take my kids with me-- and watch them in their playroom as I work out on the free weights instead of watching The View-- then technically I think it still counts as working out with my children.